A Journey to Old Japan Reveals Country's True Character - Part I

by Marybeth Bridegam,
Owner/Managing Director,
Cross- Culture Inc, Amherst, MA

Japan! What most often first comes to mind are the stereotypes – small cars; high-tech gadgets; traffic gridlock and giant neon signs; a sushi restaurant, a geisha in a kimono; a large group of Japanese travelers moving through a tourist site in unison, like a school of fish in an aquarium. But as you have probably guessed, these are only small hints of the real Japan.

You can read about modern Japan in your newspaper or see glimpses of it on TV, but to truly understand this ancient country you must experience traditional Japan for yourself. You must see the threads of influence that run through it, from Buddhism and Shinto to China and Korea, all embroidered onto one beautiful, silken culture and worn by its gentle people like a lovely kimono.

To visit traditional Japan is to enter another world. Its ancient history, lost in the mists of time, introduced the basic Shinto belief that the gods, or kami, are in nature, and that rocks and trees, earth and water, plants and animals are to be treated with reverence.  In the 5th century, the teachings of Confucius came from China and added family values and filial loyalty to the culture.  Then, in the 7th century, Buddhism brought intellectual meditation that focused on philosophy, art and self-improvement, along with a belief that animals should not be killed for food. 

Given that the Japanese people live their religious beliefs 24/7, this happy combination of cultural values produced a country where the natural environment is preserved for all to enjoy in great forests of cedars and bamboo, and in rivers and streams. The natural world is given a loving human touch in the country’s extensive gardens, with their artistic arrangements of rocks and trees, plants and water strewn along meandering paths that wander past secluded nooks for meditation and beautifully decorated, elaborate temples and shrines. 

This history also produced a people who value family life and loyalty above all else, have created an incredibly imaginative and delicious vegetarian cuisine (as well as sushi and sashimi), and who would do almost anything to avoid giving offense to others.

Here you'll find a world of peace and quiet. For that very reason, the national cultural city of Kyoto is known as “The Capital of Peace and Tranquility.” Here, during its 1,000-year reign as the country’s imperial capital, the city cultivated  Japan’s ancient, nature-loving virtues by quietly building hundreds of beautiful garden complexes.  It is a world of courtesy and polite behavior in which people with the sniffles wear surgical masks to prevent spreading their germs and where the height of rudeness is to blow one's nose in public.

Best of all, Japan is a world of simple beauty, where its famous pottery is most likely to have a single bird, or flower or even just a brushstroke of color as decoration – all thoughtfully and beautifully placed. Painters and potters, architects and weavers, cabinetmakers and gardeners all over the world owe an enormous debt of gratitude to the Japanese.

The Art of Living Together Graciously

In a country a bit smaller than California that is more than 80% mountains, 123 million people live on only 3% of the land while farming the re_selfing small space that is flat enough to till.  So many people living in such a small geographic area necessarily means that homes are small and close together. Rooms in homes are multi-purpose, with rice straw tatami mat floors, They double as living spaces during the day and sleeping spaces at night, when soft futon mattresses are brought from closets and unrolled onto the floor.

Living as they do in such close proximity and abhorring anything negative that might disturb the peace, the Japanese people tend to be quiet, shy and to smile a lot. They remove their shoes and put on slippers provided by the host when entering a home, in order to preserve the fragile tatami mats, and they sit on the floor or on floor cushions rather than on chairs whose feet would damage the tatami mats. Since visitors are expected to follow their hosts’ lead, they must remember to avoid pointing their feet at another person when sitting on the floor, as it is considered disrespectful (even if their legs are aching from lack of practice in floor-sitting).

A code of etiquette has developed over the years that aspires to be as considerate as possible of other people while “saving face” for everyone in any social interaction.  Mutual bowing (a slight forward tilt of the head and a small forward bend from the waist) is done when greeting and leaving an acquaintance or family member. Exchanging business cards is essential for all business meetings, so that names, no matter how foreign, will be handy for quick reference during the meeting and for long-term reference back in the office. 

Learning to use chopsticks, however awkwardly, is considered a mark of respect by visitors toward their Japanese hosts, as it shows they have made an effort to prepare themselves properly for their visit. Another one of the points of Japanese dining etiquette visitors learn is that when they want a waiter or other person to approach, they should never motion with the Western upward curve of the finger or hand, but rather motion towards themselves with their fingers pointed down.

Gift-giving has been raised to an art form, with a series of rituals that one must observe. These rituals serve as a way – if necessary – for all to save face, as a sign of mutual respect and as a way to smooth social interaction. Gifts are generally exchanged when visiting in a private home or when greeting people for a business meeting. The outward appearance of the gift may actually be more important than what is in the package. The gift should be beautifully wrapped, ideally with at least some metallic gold or silver in the paper design and on the ribbon.  It should be presented in an appropriately sized shopping bag, preferably one that matches the gift wrapping paper, so that the receiver of the gift has a comfortable way of carrying it home. 

Visitors can bring flowers or candy to a private home, but the most welcome gifts are those that are especially characteristic of their home area or country, with an attractive logo of a sports team, municipality or club.  Most Japanese men are wild about golf and any golf-related items are appreciated. Real Scotch whiskey is also a special treat for a man. Children love items with the logos of American sports teams.

Visitors can expect to receive a gift in return, but should express some embarrassment or dismay that the other person is giving them a gift. They should gently refuse to accept it a few times, before shyly accepting it with great humility. Along with this mutual gift-giving should come reciprocal compliments, praising the importance of the other person, his skills and other attributes appropriate to the occasion.  When visitors are complimented, it is good for them to demur and gently comment that they don't deserve the praise. (Note: It is wise to avoid praising a particular object in a person's home or office, as this may be seen as a visitor hinting that he'd like to have it as a gift – a serious faux pas, as it causes both the host and guest to “lose face.”)

Generally, interpersonal relationships are smoothed out by avoiding confrontation, and finding ways to agree on minor issues while working one’s way towards major issues. One never disagrees directly with what anyone else says or does, avoids criticizing and compliments the other person on small matters throughout the spent time together – not excessively, but sprinkled occasionally through the conversation.

How to Never Say “No”

As has often been noted, there is no word in the Japanese language that is directly translated as “no.” If you ask a polite Japanese shop clerk to get something for you that isn’t available in the store, the clerk will often answer with an evasive but courteous, “Let me look for it.” This will be followed by a great deal of looking but not finding, as the clerk waits for you, the customer, to ease the situation by saying, “That's all right, it wasn't important.” This will usually produce a great sigh of relief from the clerk, along with a big smile of gratitude and a slight bow as you leave.

In a business or personal situation where you may have asked for something that is beyond the other’s ability or knowledge, you may be told, “It’s not possible now,” or “Perhaps this could be discussed at another time” or “Perhaps this could be referred to ...” (usually somebody of lesser stature, with the hope that it will be forgotten or set aside).  If there is a genuine disagreement that must be expressed, it is considered better to have a neutral third-party convey this message from one of the interested parties to the other.  One should not consider this meddling, but rather someone helping to avoid unpleasantness between people.

At the root of much of this ritualized etiquette is a need for everyone to have the same expectations so that no one “loses face” by making a mistake – the worst fear for a Japanese person. Often Japanese people understand more English than it seems, but they are reluctant to speak or write in it unless they are sure they are correct. However, a visitor who speaks in short English sentences, using questions, can often get an active conversation going where the Japanese person can give brief, careful answers. If one is lost and needs directions, or an answer to a question, it’s often useful to have a pad and pencil handy to write down the question or the object of the search.  Many people, particularly young people, have studied a great deal of English and can read what’s been written on the paper, thus making them feel comfortable answering questions with gestures or with simple phrases. They just aren’t always sure of the pronunciation and don’t want to get it wrong.

Generally, it’s good for visitors to smile when in doubt, be calm and think of the Japanese’s cultural values rather than their own as the best way to avoid causing offense.  In the end, they will be forgiven for making most mistakes, as they are gaijin (foreigners) and cannot be expected to know everything about this extraordinarily complex culture.

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